Reader discretion advised!

I have been thinking about our fast paced, microwave society. I am so much a part of it too! Last year, I decided I wanted to plant flowers and thought I could put seeds in the ground and have flowers the same season. I was informed that you plant for the next season; normally, plant in the spring to see “harvest” in the fall. Otherwise, you buy the flowers that are already blooming and plant them. As silly as it sounds, the principle that everyone who has ever planted anything knows, there is a season of sowing that precedes the reaping. I did have a surprise blessing last year, some petunias popped up and I didn’t sow for them. It was God’s grace and gift. Sometimes we get to reap from another’s labor, but that’s a whole different topic! Back to my part in our culture; I literally never even push the time 2.00 minutes and start on the microwave. Mine has a “quick minute” feature that from one push it sets it to a minute and starts it automatically. The beauty of tevo or dvr is that you can fast forward through commercials and things you don’t want to see. You can record an hour long show and watch it in 35 minutes minus commercials. Even at Six Flags, you can get some sort of fast pass and spend an hour running to all of the different rides you want to get on, reserving it in a sense, and then come back to it to wait in line for a reduced amount of time. Our culture is filled with short-cuts and it’s no wonder that we “labor” in prayer or seeking the Lord for short seasons, lack perseverance and get weary quickly.

Most of you know I am in a season of pruning, purging, refining and healing. So many times I find myself telling the Lord, let this be over soon. There are so many times that I am literally energized and exhilarated by what He is doing that I am in such a good place spiritually and emotionally. The grief monster is seemingly always lurking though and it has become that I can see it a few days out. I haven’t succumbed to it in the same way or depth recently as I have in the past, but my wounds are still present and painful. I’m tired of going there and rehashing what seems well enough to be hidden under the bandage. Exposing it again and again every few weeks only seems to irritate it. God has been giving me a very vivid picture for how this process must play out.

This is where READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. When I was 15 years old, my appendix ruptured. I had it removed, but the three inch long, one and a half inch wide wound had to be left opened for several days to remove all of the infected and damaged tissue. The first time after surgery that the nurses came to clean it, it felt like a steal scrubbing thing you use for the really dirty dishes. It was extremely painful. They had to come every few hours to clean it and once I was aware how painful it was, I cried at least 30 minutes BEFORE they came in anticipation of the pain. In essence, what I want many times is for the Lord to “sew me up” without letting the course of healing take place. I am saying, go ahead and just put something over it… it’ll be okay. If the infection is left, it will continue to cause other healthy tissue to rot as well.

I am aware of this spiritually. I want to be the Jeremiah 17:7-8 tree whose roots go down deep into the water, stays green in every season and is not anxious during drought but continues to bear fruit… but without the season of pruning that is necessary. I am thankful that the Lord knows that the real position in my heart is YES LORD, have your way in my life. Don’t stop pruning. Like the good physician, he knows that if he relents under my cries of pain, that the job will not be sufficient. Even gold has to be put through the fire to be rid of it’s impurities. John 12:24 says unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. It is the pattern of the Kingdom for us to lose our lives to save it, to decrease so that He can increase, to share in the sufferings of Christ, to take up our cross and follow Him. Although the weight of this work He is doing is at times a hard pill to swallow, He knows that by His spirit in me, my greater desire is that He leaves no remnant of infection. My great temptation is to pretend like the wound isn’t there and to set my gaze on the destination rather than the journey. I understand how one would be tempted to fill this season with busyness … I received advice from many to “keep busy” to make the absence of my husband less difficult. The better advice is to stay at His feet until the healing and deeper work is complete… and then, stay at His feet some more because He is good. He is kind in all His ways and righteous in all His deeds and He satisfies the desire of every living thing (Psalm 145: 14-20).

I want to end with a few verses and an exhortation to wait upon the Lord. My wound happens to be directly related to Scott’s death, although I know the Lord is cleaning and purifying me in every area of my life. I have recently been thinking about the “infections” of bitterness and unforgiveness specifically although I know there are many more than could be named. I know that these, if just covered or masked, will continue to infect other good tissue. They must be dealt with and we have to be in a position of asking for and giving permission to The Healer to come and work in these areas even as painful as it might be.

Psalm 36: 7-9
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They drink their fill of the abundance of Your house; and You give them to drink of the river of Your delights. For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.

2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.
I hope that with whatever season the Lord d has you in, you can look at it from His perspective and be thankful in all things.