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I love Jesus more than life, and I mean that. I have been entrusted by God with an amazing family. A husband who I am madly in love with and our three kids! My main goal in raising them is that they will grow to know Jesus, love Him and care about the burdens of His heart.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Thanks for your prayers!

Without exaggeration, the morning after the last post I felt a major difference. It was as though the sandpaper rubbing against me was gone. I love it when nothing in circumstances change but the Holy Spirit moves in and the lens that I am viewing things comes into correct view. So, thank you for lifting me up. I knew I needed the help in prayer and IT WORKED.
I am going to OneThing this Monday through Thursday. I am really excited. I can't wait to be saturated in the Presence of the Lord, worshipping, praying and hearing great teaching for 4 days. With all of the moving and holiday distractions, it will be a welcomed dip in the river of life. You can also pray that the Lord would accomplish everything in me that He desires to in that time.

With it being December, and especially with having to go through so many things from moving that bring memories from life with Scott my heart has already been remembering this time last year. I obviously remember the intense pain of loss and the realization that how I pictured the rest of my life had suddenly become vague and would be drastically different forever. I also very strongly remember how it felt as though I was so enveloped in the Lord, with the comforter the Holy Spirit moving in a powerful way. I remember being so aware of the prayers of the body of Christ, that I felt as though I was literally being carried. In the midst of an already tender heart this season, I heard about another family that is now in the same situation I was in. Derek Loux was part of the leadership at IHOP in Kansas City. He was the director of the Forerunner School of Music in KC. He and his wife Renee have had a heart for adoption that led them to adopt many children. Renee is left with their 9 kids; 3 of which have special needs. I am asking the Lord to surround her and their children with the same grace that he did me last December and this past year. Not even knowing this family, it's still hard to imagine why the Lord would allow one who had such a heart for the orphan and the fatherless to be taken what would seem prematurely from the earth. In praying for them and asking this question, I really felt like the Lord said he was going to release the spirit of adoption through this man's life and death. Please take a minute to view their family blog and his vision for adopting many through the Josiah Fund. Consider giving to continue the spirit of adoption. Not everyone can practically adopt, but we are all called to care for the orphan... here's one practical way.
Please pray for this family.
My next post will be after OneThing! I'm going with great anticipation!

Monday, December 21, 2009

SOS!!! Here's my distress call!

I might be slightly over-dramatic with the SOS. BUT, I have been insanely busy. Can't lie, I actually contemplated where I might find some Prozac to crush into my coffee! :) I feel like I have been so stressed and overloaded. I need to be out of my house in 2 weeks, where I am moving has had some major issues, so what started out as small remodeling has truly turned into gutting most of the house (if you have skills with electricity or plumbing and want to help, I won't refuse :).
So, the house will likely not be ready when I need to be out which means suitcase living for a while WITH TWO TODDLERS! If that weren't already enough, I also have been planning for months to go to a conference in Kansas City, MO for four days. So I have to get through packing, the holidays, a conference (which will be an oasis to my soul!) and moving all in two weeks. In the midst of so much to do and so much going on, I haven't been getting enough sleep and I haven't been spending enough time with the Lord. I also have been having to go through all of our personal stuff with loads of memories attached. I think my grief has also turned into stress at this point and I'm so spent.

I'm posting this with a HUGE prayer request. Please pray for me that my eyes would stay set on Him. I know this will all be over in a short while, but right now I am so overwhelmed. Pray against attack from the enemy and protection for my kids. Our schedule chaos has to be hard for them too.

The REALLY amazing thing to me is how much and obviously it affects me when I haven't spent time letting my heart gaze on the One who loves me and holds all things in His hand. I love that even in my totally stressed mode, I am so aware that the ONE THING that I really need is to spend some time with Jesus. The thing that so shocks me now is that for many, many years the majority of my Christian experience was void of sitting at His feet and really getting in the Word. I love that I miss the kiss of the Word on my soul.

Thanks for praying!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

2009 in Review

We’ve been through much in the past year and by the grace of God and the prayers of believers we survived. Honestly, in some ways, we even thrived. I know that isn’t the norm for most in our circumstances to say…it has truly been grace upon grace for us.

Eliya just celebrated her 3rd birthday last month. She is a ‘big girl’ now and doesn’t understand why her new status doesn’t entitle her to drive & drink coffee ;) Simeon is almost 20 months old. He is sweet, snuggly and fun. He’s starting to show more independence; which is bittersweet for Momma. I am very thankful for them. They have kept me very busy and distracted. Diapers still have to be changed and kids fed; even if there is a hard day. One of many verses this past year that has sustained my life has been Psalm 73:25, 26,28a. It says “Whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You on the earth I desire nothing. My heart and my flesh may fail, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. As for me, the nearness of God is my good.”

There are some new things since this time last year. Scott and I were part of a house of prayer getting started. He never got to come as our “open” date was set for the day he passed away. A couple of us have pressed through though and it has been the biggest blessing. Personally, to have a place set apart for worship, intercession and dwelling in the presence of God has truly been a healing balm to my soul. Also, I believe that it is God’s will and our destiny to partner with Him in intercession and we’ve been crying out for salvation and freedom for our region. I had been teaching English as a second language to adults, and loved doing that, but God clearly was calling me to the house of prayer. Now I am at the house of prayer in place of the hours I had been working part-time. God has faithfully been providing for our needs and showing Himself to be a Husband and a Father. One of the many ways He has been faithful is that I was having some roadblocks in trying to refinance the house I am in and in the meantime the renter of a house we own in the next city over moved out. That mortgage is less so I wondered if that was the Lord’s leading and setting that up. I prayed and called the realtor. I told her I could only afford to wait 60 days to see if this house would sell (because I’d have the other mortgage too) and we listed it. Day 6 on the market a guy came to see it and wanted it. Now it is a little over 3 weeks in and we signed the deal this week and we’ll be moving the first week of January!

Between the house of prayer, kids…and now packing to move; I stay pretty busy.
Thank you for your love, support and prayers over this past year. The hands and feet of Jesus have been evident in innumerable and unimaginable ways this past year.
Grace and peace to you!

Love, Jennifer, Eliya and Simeon Mason

Friday, December 4, 2009

One Year

Let me start by saying I can't think of a time I have ever been filled with so many opposing emotions. I hate that the one year mark is a looming, black date that reminds you every time you look at the calendar. In some ways I wish that I lived in the middle of the jungle somewhere where time is only measured in seasons. Obviously, that's not the case. It came and went and in some ways I'm glad to be past December 2nd.

The great conflict in emotions is the battle between the flesh and the spirit. My heart is greatly saddened as I remember the sweet, gentle, loving, funny man I committed my life to. The other side of the bed being empty every night and watching my daughter when she hears another child talk about their daddy are sharp reminders. The conflict comes when I think about how awesome and incredible it is for Scott to be in the presence of God, of love, the fullness of His presence, the fullness of joy. There is absence of pain, absence of striving. It's a little like hide-and-seek when you find the prize. Scott found a measure of all of this in part on earth, but now he knows as he is fully known. There aren't even human words to describe the glory of God and on this side of eternity we can't begin to comprehend what it's like for us to be in the fullness of the Presence of God. The same presence that the four living creatures in Revelation 4:8 do not cease day and night saying, "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord God, The Almighty who was and is and is to come." Such glory, beauty and holiness that for eternity they never tire of looking at Him and discovering the depths of The Creator, the uncreated One.

When I set my heart and mind on THIS God, and THIS reality for Scott. I'm not sad, a little jealous, but not sad. There are still difficult things that his absence leaves; emotionally empty places that I have to continue to look to the Lord for, praying with everything in me that I will be able to be what my kids need and point them to God who is a father to the fatherless, decisions that I have to make about day to day life. I continue to lean on Jesus. I know He is true, He is right, His word endures forever. He is unchanging. His promises are good. He is a husband, a father, a savior, a friend. All of my hope is in Him.
( Ps 19:9, 1Pet 1:25, Heb 13:8, Heb 10:23, Isa 54:5, Ps 68:5, Isa 43:11, Rom 15:13)

So, even though this time is bittersweet and accompanied with pain and tears, I am remembering the best parts of Scott and our life together and will keep my eyes on Jesus, the one who started and perfects my faith.