Family Journal: Remembering a Great Day

From the day we got engaged in Keifung, China

August 7, 2004

I will forever remember this day. After the wedding ceremony and ironically after Scott's memorial, I had similar feelings about the services; that God had really showed up and I wouldn't have changed anything about them. God was so good, is so good and will always be good. If it weren't for His unfailing love and unchanging character, I would never have made it this far.

Having had several friends go through very rough places in marriage and a few through divorce, want to express some thoughts on the topic. There is no better place to learn how to let the flesh die. Read 1 Corinthians 13 and Philippians 2 to gain wisdom for the harder seasons. Marriage, for most, has very difficult moments. It isn't always the easiest thing in the world. One thing I greatly appreciated about Scott and our marriage was that we NEVER brought up divorce as an option. I honestly knew it would be until death, but thought it would be more like forever. Those vows are covenant before the Lord. I pray that marriage will once again glorify Jesus and point to a picture of intimacy for Him and His bride; the church. (Eph 5:22,25) Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. Do everything for Him and as unto Him. I previously blogged about trying to be the Holy Spirit (nagging) to Scott and not really trusting that God in His way and time would bring about His will in my husband and in our life together. Trust in the Lord and lay it at His feet.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ lived the church and gave Himself up for her (while we were still sinners Christ died for us!).

Lord help those in marriages to love unconditionally, not reactionally. Love never fails (1 Cor 13:8). Glorify Yourself once again through covenant marriages Lord.

I have been amazed at what I remember (and what I forget :). After each of my children were born, I thought that I would never do that again. Even worse, they'd then keep me from sleep and consume so much of their early months that it was draining and overwhelming. With both of them, at 3 months of age things got a little easier, and again around 6-7 months old. By the time they neared their 1st birthday, I had forgotten how difficult the earlier parts have been and started thinking about another baby! I know Scott and I walked through a good bit together and there were times I was overwhelmed and felt hopeless. There were many amazing times too. I hate that I missed opportunities to tell him how gentle, loving, and funny he was. How much I appreciated that he participated a lot in the daily things (dishes, kids baths, etc). Those many 'little things' I took for granted. I am so thankful that God let us have the time we had. I'm very thankful that the difficult things about marriage and relationship fade and what remains is beautiful and sweet. I'm reminded that faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13). Here is a verse that a friend sent me during one of the difficult stages (we got married, started a business, had two kids and sold that business all in 4 years!). The friend sent verse 5. I had it in my Bible for a long time and after Scott passed away, I found it and read the rest of the chapter; verse 4 then really stood out to me.

Isaiah 54: 4-5
Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; But you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.

If you want to know how to pray for me, please pray that He would continue to heal me, to fill me with more of Him, and that I would stay at His feet long enough to be satisfied in Him alone.

(Psalm 145:16 You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing!)