Pt. 2; A touch in the night

In the previous blog I talked about how the Lord spoke to me about our altered view of reality in the church (myself included!) and how we "go through the motions" without even perceiving that we aren't in touch with reality.  Directly after that experience of waking up three times, I laid back in the bed and turned on the ipod to listen to worship music while I went back to sleep.  I haven't done this in a LONG time.  I began to remember that the months after Scott passed away, I fell asleep EVERY night to these same songs.  In my heart I began to really worship through remembering the goodness, faithfulness and tenderness of the Lord in my life.  Suddenly, I was aware of the intense presence of the Lord.

How long have we been asleep?

I had an interesting experience Sunday night. It will likely take a few posts to share all of what happened but for now, I will share just part of it.

Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night and really needed to use the restroom. I sat up in the bed, but was having trouble getting my eyes to actually open. I rubbed them a few times and realized how groggy I really was and how my vision was even not cooperating. I actually physically pryed one eye open trying to get myself to wake up more.

Then, I opened my eyes to find that I was still laying down had JUST now actually woken up. I lay there for a minute realizing that the whole first "waking up" was a dream and hadn't really happened. I lay there trying to will myself into action...because I really did have to go to the bathroom. I sat up and tried willing myself to get out of the bed. Unbelievably, I opened my eyes AGAIN to find that I was REALLY just NOW waking up. I had twice now believed myself to be awake and was in fact NOT awake.

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He Delights in ME!

I want to share one part of what the Lord did and spoke over me at the OneThing conference this past week. Let me start by saying, I don't share this because I particularly like having the deepest places of my heart visible for anyone to see. I lay my heart bare in hopes that it will lead others to the place of heart encounter with this amazing God who completely knows us and longs to give us understanding of how He feels towards us; not just a cognitive intellectual head knowledge, but an experiential heart knowledge that changes completely how we pursue this Lover of our souls.

Thanks for your prayers!

Without exaggeration, the morning after the last post I felt a major difference. It was as though the sandpaper rubbing against me was gone. I love it when nothing in circumstances change but the Holy Spirit moves in and the lens that I am viewing things comes into correct view. So, thank you for lifting me up. I knew I needed the help in prayer and IT WORKED.

I am going to OneThing this Monday through Thursday. I am really excited. I can't wait to be saturated in the Presence of the Lord, worshipping, praying and hearing great teaching for 4 days. With all of the moving and holiday distractions, it will be a welcomed dip in the river of life. You can also pray that the Lord would accomplish everything in me that He desires to in that time.

With it being December, and especially with having to go through so many things from moving that bring memories from life with Scott my heart has already been remembering this time last year. I obviously remember the intense pain of loss and the realization that how I pictured the rest of my life had suddenly become vague and would be drastically different forever. I also very strongly remember how it felt as though I was so enveloped in the Lord, with the comforter the Holy Spirit moving in a powerful way. I remember being so aware of the prayers of the body of Christ, that I felt as though I was literally being carried. In the midst of an already tender heart this season, I heard about another family that is now in the same situation I was in. Derek Loux was part of the leadership at IHOP in Kansas City. He was the director of the Forerunner School of Music in KC. He and his wife Renee have had a heart for adoption that led them to adopt many children. Renee is left with their 9 kids; 3 of which have special needs. I am asking the Lord to surround her and their children with the same grace that he did me last December and this past year. Not even knowing this family, it's still hard to imagine why the Lord would allow one who had such a heart for the orphan and the fatherless to be taken what would seem prematurely from the earth. In praying for them and asking this question, I really felt like the Lord said he was going to release the spirit of adoption through this man's life and death. Please take a minute to view their family blog and his vision for adopting many through the Josiah Fund. Consider giving to continue the spirit of adoption. Not everyone can practically adopt, but we are all called to care for the orphan... here's one practical way. www.louxfamilyblog.com

Please pray for this family.

My next post will be after OneThing! I'm going with great anticipation!